February '24

Nightclubs, relativity, and werewolves

Scene from the film ‘Saltburn’

The Nightclub Industry

I’ve always found the nightclub scene a fascinating enigma. It’s one of those social strata’s that is technically legal, but is surrounded by the seedier aspects of human nature (nudity, drugs, prostitution, etc). As such, I opened an incognito browser tab and proceeded deep into the internet matrix to find some answers.

How to Become a Stripper

1. Pole dancing classes are oft-recommended as a starting point

2. Scout your local clubs and visit as a “customer”. This serves two purposes:

   1. Opportunity to learn how others do it

   2. Find a club that makes you feel comfortable

3. Apply for an interview. There tends to be two mechanisms for this:

   1. “Amateur night”

      1. A group style interview for new guys/girls

   2. Apply online or over the phone

Referencing: How to start out stripping? (Reddit)

Why Though?

This is ultimately what fascinates me about the nightclub industry. How is someone drawn into this? And why?

I think the common stereotype is that strippers (male or female) do it for money. And while this may be true, it can’t be the only reason why someone would want to take their clothes off in front of total strangers…right? When most people decide they need more money, they pursue a mundane part time job — like pouring coffee at Starbucks or driving for Uber — but if this is the case (generally speaking) who are the folks taking pole dancing lessons after work?

To understand the psyche of these people, I think it’s important to step back and consider the job function. What is it about “stripping” and “dancing” that is so appealing?

For one, it takes immense confidence to get up in front of a large crowd (even more so if you’re doing it naked or near-naked). I’d even argue that being a stripper is likely very empowering. Body positivity, communication, and understanding and engaging your audience are all skills required to be successful.

On top of this, there is the often ill-considered element of “seduction” at play, which in my opinion is often given a bad rap. I think seduction is often associated with promiscuous behavior (which it is) but everyone has tried to seduce someone else in their adult life. Your cute coworker? That special someone you danced with at your friend’s wedding? And how did you engage this person? Did you use body language? Eye contact? Tone of voice? Yeah you did. You tried to seduce them.

TL;DR — I don’t know where I was going with this essay haha. I think I just find the whole seedy/underground nature of nightclubs a really interesting social dichotomy.

General Relativity (an attempt at layman’s terms)

I was having a conversation with a friend recently about general relativity and how gravity affects time. It was through this conversation that I realized just how difficult it is to wrap one’s head around the concept of light, gravity, and time all being interrelated. As such, I will now give my best attempt at a TL;DR for Mr. Albert Einstein.

In Einstein’s original thesis, he gives us an example where a man stands on a train platform and measures the speed of light and finds it to be equal to some value C. The man then hops aboard the next train and measures the speed of light once again and finds it to be exact same value. Now, the reason this should confuse you is because this is not how the classical laws of physics work. Consider the following illustration:

If the man boards the train and is headed towards the light source then you would expect the measured value of the speed of light to be C + (speed of train). Whereas if the man boards the train and is headed away from the source of light, then you’d have the same case as the illustration above and expect the speed of light to be C - (speed of train). What this implicates is that the speed of light is constant.

Now, the next step in explaining general relativity is a bit of a leap and can be hard to wrap your head around, but bear with me.

Our conception of “time” and “reality” are one and the same. That is, what we perceive each waking moment as the seconds tick by is our interpretation of “this reality”. And from our discussion above, we established that the speed of light is constant. Therefore — and this is where the big leap is gonna be, so try and wrap your head around this — our interpretation of time and reality is relative to the speed of light. You can think of it as “everything we see and do through every waking moment is relative to this constant thing: the speed of light”.

Finally, the last element to all of this, gravity.

The reason why gravity distorts time is because it warps the path upon which light must travel.

In the illustration above, we can see three objects with increasing gravitational fields. As light travels through space and approaches one of these objects, its path gets bent. What this means, is that light photons have to travel a longer path to cover the same “distance” (in our three dimensions that is).

So if you’re an astronaut standing near a black hole, light has to travel a longer path due to the immense gravitational field, but we have already established that the speed of light is a constant value C and that our notion of time is relative to it.

Therefore:

• Longer path of light = slower time

• Shorter path of light = faster time.

Some Literature

KROQ is playing old Doors songs and War of the Worlds is on channel thirteen and I switch it to some religious program where this preacher is yelling "Let God use you. God wants to use you. Lie back and let him use you, use you." "Lie back," he keeps chanting. "Use you, use you." I'm drinking gin and melted ice in bed and imagine that I can hear someone breaking in. But Daniel says, over the phone, that it's probably my sisters getting something to drink. It's hard to believe Daniel tonight; on the news I hear there were four people beaten to death in the hills last night and I stay up most of the night, looking out the window, staring into the backyard, looking for werewolves.

- Bret Easton Ellis (Less Than Zero)

Thanks for reading my Substack! Feel free to share if you’d like. And don’t pledge me any money. Seriously. I just appreciate your time :p